Closed Doors

Day #6  Amen, I quit my job.

This has been a hard journey.  I'm not going to lie.  It has been twelve years of struggle and crying out to the Lord to realize a dream He planted in my heart.  Typing "twelve years" doesn't take long...just a couple of seconds.  Saying "twelve years" takes even less time, but LIVING "twelve years" is another story.  We always hear testimony from people and think, "Wow, I wish God would do that for me."  But what we don't feel or see are the waiting times, the struggle, the smashing that went along with their blessing. 

This is an entry from my journal--maybe it blesses you:

This has been a different journey for me--one filled with disappointments and waiting.

For me, its like walking down a long hallway, up ahead there is light coming from an open door to the left.  I begin to feel opportunity and possibility from the glow of light.  As I approach and peek in, the door closes.  The sting of rejection, the ache of impossibility wells up as the glistening of tear drops in my eyes.  I take a breath and walk on.  The process is repeated again and again and with each door closing the amount of time I spend anguishing over lost opportunity is lessened. 

Now down to seconds and my feet walk on because that's what the Lord told me to do.  His last instruction to me, "Walk--one foot in front of the other."  This command doesn't allow for long-term planning, but only for moment to moment living.  Otherwise, I am engulfed by anxiety, depression, the lie that I need to hustle to get where I want to go. 

Truly, it hinders my walk and slogs me into a pit.  In order to keep methodically walking, I have to trust God even when I don't understand, even when I'm not particularly fond of the place I'm at.  It's the lesson He is teaching.

Sinclair Ferguson said, "Christian contentment...is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord and to be totally at His disposal in the place He appoints, at the time He chooses, with the provision He is pleased to make."

It isn't a one-time decision.  It requires moment to moment faith, trust and subservient attitude.  I am His.  My life is His.  I walk with Him leading.

When I think I'm been divested of much pride and thought that I'm impressive, I find He is working on me again, breaking me down more.  It's not pretty.  It's not easy, but when I relent and let go, the peace I feel is a salve for my brokenness.  After all, I am in the Master's hands. 

And as I walk on past these "No's," I am taught something else--to give.  To stop thinking of myself and take opportunity to give of myself.  Let the compassion and love of God flow through me with no thought of an open or closed door.

Help those on their journey when they call asking for help with the job you were denied, help them in love and gratitude.  When they are overwhelmed and need to hear words of encouragement, give it to them.  When they need advice, share it. 

This life is much better when I accept the journey is NOT on me.  I can take a breath and just WALK....He's in control.

Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.  Philippians 1:6