Why?

It happened years ago--literally.  When my first child was born, I took 12 weeks off work.  One of my sweet co-worker friends would bring my work to my house and I'd do what I could from home.  And when it got time to return to work, I wrote a letter of resignation.  I was done.  I was staying at home with my baby.

My husband wasn't as impressed with my letter of resignation and pointed me straight out the door and sent me off to work.  And, I'm not saying he was wrong, I'm just telling you how it happened.  And I cried and worked to make peace with the place the Lord had put me.  I worked to make my workplace my ministry.  I counted my blessings that I had a wonderful mother-in-law and mama to help me with my kid.  I counted my blessings that I had a great job with retirement and insurance.  I pressed forward, but I held on to the vision the Lord had given me.  I knew--without understanding the plan--that I'd be home one day.

The second baby came and I began to wonder if I was a crazy dreamer.  I still planned and planned ways I could still feed my family and be with my children.  It seemed like everyone thought I was crazy.  It was hard to find anyone who understood me and this desire I had, but God knew and I cried out to Him again and again.

And along the way, I'd have trial runs at homeschool projects with my kids.  I loved it!  And maybe because I still love to learn and I still want to learn and honestly when you are homeschooling your kids--you are homeschooling yourself.  And that gets me excited! 

But, I was still a very tired mama.  I have the ability to take a job and make it much larger than it is.  You know, give me a one-page job description and I will make it ten pages.  I love to work.  I love to feel valuable.  But, I still felt the Lord tell me, "I'm going to call you away from this."  And I would say, "I know and I'm ready to walk when you open the door."  And sometimes it was super easy to say those words.  Sometimes I was torn because I loved the work I was doing and I wanted to be home, too! 

But, God had a plan for that.  A friend of mine warned me that God was going to take me through a very difficult time where He was going to smash me down and remake me.  I didn't like the sound of that, but that trial came.  There were moments when I did not think I would survive and I cried out to God for deliverance.  I took long walks early in the morning--just me and God.  I laid on the ground and begged Him to take the trial from me.  He didn't.  Instead, He walked it with me and asked me to be strong and stand up.  I did.  And when it was over, I realized He had taken some things out of me that needed to be gone.  And He did deliver me as only He can.

But He did not deliver me home.  He delivered me to another place because He had more things to teach me.  And He did.  He used my new job to give me confidence in a place He knew I needed it.  He used my new job to expose me to other opportunities--as only He can.  And, this time when He was ready for me to move, He said, "Jump."

This was harder because the answer wasn't given to me first.  Jumping and not knowing how you'll be caught, is much scarier than seeing a relatively safe landing spot.  But, here I go.  Why?  Because He loves me so and He has proven that to me over and over again.  My whole life is nothing but a testimony to my Father.

And I know that some people can't understand it.  Some people scratch their heads when I say, "I'm trusting God, He'll open the doors."  They instead offer suggestion after suggestion about all the things I can do to keep my family from absolute disaster--like be normal. 

But, I like this trusting God thing.  He has ministered to me every day.  He has sent the right people in my path and given me a bigger heart for loving others.  He has shown me that this scary trust thing also brings an insane amount of peace.  And anytime I feel the anxiety well up in my spirit, I think about Jesus and it disappears. 

I start tomorrow working from home and homeschooling my kids for the second year.  I am excited to become that mama.  I am excited to make my own laundry detergent so I can save money.  I am excited to scour the sale paper.  I know it sounds crazy!  When I was working full time I honestly would say to myself in the store, "Who cares?  I am too exhausted to try and figure out which box of cereal is cheapest, which package of toilet paper is the best bargain.  Just grab one and go, that's why I work!"  I get it.  I know how it feels.  But, now my life is taking a new direction and I'm excited to learn new things and walk continuing to hold the hand of my Father.  I am excited to share my story with you.  Not for myself, but because I know the Lord works in all of us to encourage each other.

And one last point--God has us all on a path.  Yours is not mine.  Mine is not yours.  And that IS okay.  Follow God.  Don't compare yourself to me and I won't compare myself to you, but instead thank God for our differences.  Give Him the glory for always taking His sheep to the right place for the right time. 



Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in You.  Psalms 25:5 NLT