Gratitude In Small Ways Creates Gratitude Every Day

I like positive people.  Don't you?

The other day I was waiting at the back of my car for my groceries to be wheeled out of the grocery store and I saw a man I knew to be full of the faith walking across the parking lot.  He was only feet from me, but he didn't see me.  I almost called out to him, but before I could do that he looked down and saw a couple of coins at his feet.  I saw a big smile spread across his face and he bent down to pick up the coins and he said, "WooHee, now that's a blessing!  Blessing!"  I watched him and felt a big smile on my face, too.  I did not call out to him because I didn't want to interrupt that moment he was having with God.  I felt privileged that I had witnessed it from the sidelines.  Here was a man who lived a humble life by America's standards, but who is so filled with love for the Lord that he glows when you see him.  He didn't look at these coins as trash or a nuisance as most of us would, instead he saw the blessing God had given HIM.  His gratitude was in everything!

Later this week, I was refueling my husband's truck since I've borrowed it all week (more on that to follow).  I always get gas at a certain local store where Tommy brings a big smile and pumps my gas for me.  I really like that.  Knowing that I don't normally drive my husband's truck, Tommy asked about why I was in it.  I told him and said, "It's a little bumpy, but it works fine."  To which, Tommy retorted, "Yeah, but you riding fine and with air conditioning, too!"  That made me smile because he was right.  What complaint did I have?  I was cool and taken to every place I needed to go.  Tommy reminded me about gratitude in the small things again.

Now, back to my car.  A week ago, some of my family took me out for my birthday.  As we were traveling back from the restaurant, a deer ran from the side of the road and waylaid my car!  My poor Bessie!

I mean, to fully understand this you may need to know two things about Bessie.  Number One:  Bessie is my car I have had for 12 years and I love her.  Number Two:  The reason I love her is because every morning as we traveled to work and school, my kids and I would pray for Bessie.  That's right, we would pray for Bessie!  In my mind, if my ultimate goal was to come home with my children, then Bessie could not break down.  I needed Bessie to run like a sewing machine and could not be tied down to a car note.  I needed to be financially frugal and I saw Bessie as just one way to help me get to where God was calling me, so I put Bessie in God's hands EVERY DAY.

So, when I heard the very loud thud of the deer hitting the driver's side door of my Bessie, tears sprang to my eyes.  I had just been having a conversation with God in my mind about how He was taking care of me and how grateful I was and then BAM--the deer.  I admit I at first felt dismayed.  I had just been praising the Lord and then this!  Then, my mind immediately turned to gratitude again--gratitude that my family was unharmed in this collision and yes, while Bessie's door was majorly dented, she was fine.  Thank you, Lord, for your mercy and kindness to me.  And my husband called and got a body shop to fix Bessie and I dropped her off and told the insurance company.  And, that's that and I am grateful.

With Bessie in the shop, I borrowed my husband's truck for the three days this week I'd need to leave my home to get some work done for a few of my clients.  It was great.  I thanked God for the truck that was available to me while sweet Bessie was being worked on.  My kids changed Bessie's name to "Bent-sie" for the week and we moved forward.  Until, something happened to my husband's truck.

On my final day to borrow the truck, I stopped at the dollar store to pick up a few items to make a dessert requested by my son.  I went in, got the items, and came out.  I cranked the truck, put my foot on the brake to shift from park to drive and felt the brake give way all the way to the floor.  Now, I'm not very smart when it comes to vehicles.  I really give little thought to how they work or why or how I'm supposed to maintain them.  I have a great mechanic who knows I need extra help and a husband who DEFINITELY knows I need extra help, but when the brake pushed all the way to the floor, I knew something didn't 'feel' right.  (Ha ha!)  So, I pressed the gas and reversed the truck, stepped on the brake again and it gave all the way to the floor.  Okay, Houston we have a problem.  I talked to myself for a moment, because I'm not a fast thinker in these types of situations.  But Self and I decided we needed to pull back into a parking space and call the husband.  After the phone call, I realized the brake line was busted--i.e. NO BRAKES!

No brakes is scary.  And for a moment I thought, "Okay, God, now I've stepped out and everything can't fall apart."  But, then I remembered gratitude, "Thank you, Jesus, that my children are not with me.  Thank you, Jesus, that I was not driving down the road.  Thank you, Jesus, that the brake fluid escaped while I was shopping and was drained so much when I came out that the truck was broke while it sat safely in a parking space.  Thank you, Jesus, that Bessie is fixed today and can be picked up Monday.  Thank you, Jesus, that my husband knows how to fix this.  Thank you, Jesus, that my in-laws have a trailer that will fit this truck and no tow truck expense is needed.  Thank you, Jesus, that my parents have an extra vehicle that could be borrowed if needed.  Thank you, Jesus, that my husband is good and kind and grateful for my safety, too.  Thank you, Jesus, for your mercy and kindness to me.  You are my good God!"

And, that's how I end the week, sitting in my favorite chair with tears spilling down my cheeks, watching out my sun room window as a fall-ish Saturday morning passes by and God declares, "I see you."

Amen.   

Panthers, Raising a Hair or Two

In my neck of the woods, the panther is a mystical creature that immediately garners interest and speculation.  It is rare to hear someone talk about panthers and when they do, they are usually older people.  The panther is an elusive cat that is said to have the night-piercing howl akin to a woman screaming.  Just the description brings chills to me as it did when I was a child and heard my mama talk about one she would hear near our home.

For those of us who read the books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, you may remember a story about pa and a panther.  If you do a Google search, you'll probably only find mention of panthers in Florida.

But, either way, whether it was my mother talking about them when I was a child or the occasional, mysterious possible sighting around here, I still find the panther an interesting animal.  Following is my own story about a possible panther encounter:

My mother always told us children that on many a dark night in east Quitman she had heard the scream of a panther. Each time she told the story the hair on my neck would stand on end and fear would seize my heart. She would continue telling how the sound was like that of a woman screaming and was something you would never forget if you heard it. After her story, I really never cared to hear my own panther and hoped that she wasn’t telling the truth.

But, in the light of day my worries over the panthers would melt away. My brother and I would spend countless hours roaming the woods behind my house. I would even venture out alone. I loved it there. Even today, I can trace those old trails and recollect the feelings of adventure and the newness of creation as I traipsed over hills, through wooded paths, and dared to sneak a little further away from home each time.

Thankfully for my mother, I was never very adventurous. I had my boundaries marked by what I knew to be my family’s property lines. Even though my brother was known to trod further out, I only did so once and after he left me in the woods and vowed I would never do so again. We had scared up a deer in a thicket and my brother took off after the deer. If I recall correctly we were supposed to be gathering pine straw for our mama’s flower beds, but the deer distracted my brother and within a moment the bursting of sound from the deer and my brother quieted and I was surrounded by the silence of the woods. I was scared, but also furious. I could hardly believe my brother had left me in the woods by myself. I stomped all the way home.

But, I would forgive him since he was the only play mate I had and we would have opportunity again for adventure. One evening my brother and I traipsed through the broom sage field behind our house to the edge of a wooded area. There was an old interesting oak tree at the edge of the field and we commenced to playing under it. That’s when we heard it. I can’t recollect the exact sound, but the hairs on my neck stood up and I was immediately terrified. My brother went into high alert and picked up the longest dead branch he could find under the oak tree. I can still see him holding that branch that was longer than he was tall. I was fine with it until he left the covering of the oak tree and walked out into the opening, whooping and yelling, shaking his branch, and near daring whatever made that terrible sound in the woods to come after us. Or at least that’s how I felt. So, with hardly a thought, I saw my opportunity to high tail it across the broom sage field and to the safety of my mama’s house. I can’t say, but I’m sure that had my mother looked out, she would have seen me near flying across the field. I dropped the sling shot I had been safekeeping for my brother in the field somewhere, but I couldn’t see that it mattered much.

My brother wasn’t far behind me because when I made it to the back door, there he was! I’m sure we made quite a fuss telling mama all about the terrible animal lurking in the woods. My brother was angry that I ran and extra angry that I took his weapon with me and then dared to drop it! I only told him that I had heard when running from a big cat, you should drop something you owned like a shoe or shirt and the big cat would be confused, stop and sniff it, and give you an extra second of escape. My brother never seemed sure that I truly dropped the sling shot as a way to save him after abandoning him in the woods and just between you and me, I didn’t even remember having it, much less dropping it.

As an end to the frightening experience, Mama piled us in the truck and drove back to the site of the sound much to my dismay. Of course, we found nothing and only left with the memory. But, we also learned a valuable life lesson. In a battle, always have a warrior who is as brave as you are or braver. In life, I’ve learned that it is a rarity to find one.

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24b

Give Me That Old Time Religion

One way the Lord provides for my family's needs is through my job as an ESL(English as a Second Language) teacher with a Chinese company called VIPKID.  I've worked with the company for over 2 years and enjoy teaching the children in the morning and evenings.

There are literally thousands of teachers doing the same thing throughout the world, but especially in the USA.  We all meet up in Facebook groups dedicated to VIPKID.   It is a great opportunity to be home and still earn money to care for my family.  It also has the beautiful benefit of meeting Chinese children.  They are the hardest working children I have ever met!  Their days are filled with lessons.  Often they are taking class with me just moments before bedtime.  In fact, their desire to learn English has recently caused the Chinese Department of Education to step in and institute rules to prevent the children from spending too much time in their English studies.

In case you did not know, English is the universal language for the business world.  It is a very important language for international trade.  At one time, I was an International Business major, so this side of the story is interesting to me.  I say one time because God changed that plan at the end of my Junior year of college.  (Eeeek)  Since it was at the end of my Junior year of college when I changed my major to Accounting, I did spend many years planning that I would one day be part of the international business world.  So, to be plopped down in the middle of teaching these children now is a tightening of a thread of my life.

Recently, as I was following the VIPKID blog, I came across a story that touched me.  It is about a woman who has achieved success academically in Linguistics, but more than that it was the way her life was changed to push her in that direction.

Jeanine Ntihirageza was born in a small African country.  When she was in 8th grade, she heard a song that changed her life.  She loved the way the song sounded and asked her teacher what language the song was in.  Her teacher told her, "English."

Since Jeanine was a native French speaker, she became determined to learn English.  This moment of hearing the song changed her life.  She did learn English and spent many years teaching children to speak English.  She came to love education and worked to meet her students where they were.  She is now Professor and Coordinator of TESOL at Northeastern Illinois University.  She received her Ph.D. in Linguistics from the University of Chicago.

While this story is inspiring and if you watch the video located on the VIPKID blog you will feel her love and passion for children--which makes it all the better--it was the thought of that song that drew me in.

The song that was sung in English in her small African country was Give Me That Old Time Religion.

Can't you just hear it now?  The words dancing through her young mind as she made a choice to learn a language that would take her to many places, but the most important place was in the life of a child.

Give me that old-time religion,
Give me that old-time religion
Give me that old-time religion
It's good enough for me

When Charles Davis Tillman first heard the Negro Spiritual being sung, he jotted down the words and he ended up being instrumental in introducing it to white audiences and laying the groundwork for Southern Gospel music.  I'm sure he never thought the song being sung by African Americans at a camp meeting would have such an impact.  I know he also never imagined that it would reach the ears of a young girl named Jeanine and change her life forever.

My point is we never know what impact we are leaving each and every day.  Only God does.  He carefully orchestrates every part of our life because He--and only He--can see our tomorrow.  He pulls those threads tighter here and there and we are blessed to get to see them pulled taut in the Master's hands.

For me, it's like a moment of enlightenment.  I see that thread pulled tight and look back over the tapestry of my life to see where it tied in and I feel a warmth cover me because I know my story is beautifully crafted by my Father and it is a warm blanket to lay in, to make peace in, and to trust in.


For More:

http://blog.vipkid.com.cn/the-future-of-language-%26-learning-with-dr-ntihirageza/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old-Time_Religion

First Things First

Putting first things first seems easy.  (Please really draw out that word seems for full effect.)  I mean, after all, there is a certain rhythm to our life.  First, you wake up, then you get out of bed.  First, you put toothpaste on your toothbrush, then you brush your teeth.  First, you put socks on, then you slip on your sneakers.  For math folks, these things do not have a commutative property.  If you reverse their order, they don't work.  Addition is commutative.  You can change the order of 4+2 to 2+4 and you will still get the same result.  But, change up any of the things I mentioned and it just doesn't work.

There are times when you must put first things first.

That has been the whisper--no, the demand--the Lord has on my life this week.

"First things first," I keep hearing Him say.

I sigh because though I know what He wants, it is not easy.  And I know that sounds kind of crazy.

You:  You know what the BIG GUY wants and you don't just do it?

Me:

You:  Come on, just do it.  Get it over with.

Me:

You:  How can you not do what He wants?

Me:

You see how this is working.  I mean seriously.  It's like I think about reading a book and sit down and hear God say, "First things first."  My eye roves over to the Bible sitting beside me because He opened two books of the Bible to me this week, too.  I look at the book in my hand.  I let out a loud sigh and put it down.  Pick up the Bible and I am always glad afterward that I did.  He has a reason and even though I may be acting like an eye-rolling adolescent at this point,  I know He does know best.

This all started because every time I pick up some work, it seems like I am working with a giant hole in my time!  Like someone puts their finger on the clock and gives the minute hand a big push and it goes spinning forward.  Things that should take me minutes are taking hours.  Things that should take hours are never getting finished.  My Type A personality is hitting the brick wall and, of course, I cry out to Him because He has to help me.  And He says, "First things first."

As I revert back to my adolescence I begin to whine my way out of it, "But, God, if you'd just help me finish all this work I have, I'd do those things.  I'd have plenty of time to put first things first."

And there is God just looking at me with a total mom stare because that doesn't even make sense to me, "Let me finish this stuff and then I'll do those first things."  What?  Did I say that?

So, here I go, breaking my will and demanding myself to put first things first and trusting Him for the rest.

I encourage you to do the same.  If some part of your life seems to be spiraling, ask yourself if God is asking you to do something that you aren't doing because you're convinced you just can't.

Examples?  Okay, sure, I can give you those.

God, I know I am supposed to tithe, but if you'd just give me enough money, I'd be glad to do that.

God,  I know that spending time communing with you is essential to my every day, but if you'd just make me some more time in the day, I promise I will get to it.

God, You want me to spend time with my neighbor down the street, well, okay, but I'm going to need them to approach me.

You get it.  Since you are here, I'm not sure what your challenge for First Things First is, but I'm glad we are both agreeing in prayer today to make this the week we do just that.

First Things First.  He has a perfect plan.

Where Are The Miracles?

I read the other day that someone was struggling with their faith.  One of their deep questions was, "Where are the miracles?"

I'm taken back by a question like that because I don't understand how a Christian can ask that question.

First, the Bible warns us that there will be times when we look for signs and there are none.  Think of how many years the Jews waited on their miracle----Jesus.  There were hundreds of years of silence and then a baby was born and only a few discerning people knew about the miraculous birth.  The rest missed it amid their judgment of an out-of-wedlock birth.  In fact, many Jews are still unaware their Messiah was born.  Where is the miracle?

And then the baby grew and was just regular Joe for at least thirty-seven years.  Then, He started performing miracles.  People flocked to Him and they killed Him.  Where is the miracle?

He was dead and placed inside the ground.  A rock covered the cave opening and guards were placed.  Three days later He went missing.  A story was spun of His body being stolen.  The media grabbed a hold of it and soon the common people didn't know what to believe.  Sound familiar?  Still looking for that miracle?

He appeared to many, speaking to them.  He promised to send the Great Comforter to them because He was on His way to the Father.  When the Great Comforter came, all Christians were filled with the Holy Spirit.  In fact, each person heard Peter speaking to them in their own language.  Exuberance filled that crowd.  Dust around and find that miracle.

But What About Today?

I'm glad you asked.  First, if you do any amount of reading from God's people, you know that they are writing and proclaiming the miracles of God in their everyday lives.  From people being healed of demons, to clothes that don't wear out, to food that is supplied, to lives that are changed, to bodies that are changed.  Miracles are happening.

And I don't know about you, but God speaks to me and that is always a miracle.  Numerous times I will ponder needing new shoes or clothes and a lady will walk up to me and say, "I was cleaning out my closet and wondered if you'd like to look through it."  Bam, Miracle.

Or what about the time the freezer went out.  I stood in front of it seeing all the lights off, the frozen food inside only hours from being thrown in the trash and I prayed, "Lord, you know we don't have the money right now.  I trust you for this."  I walked away and when I came back through, the lights were on and that freezer ran for years and years after that.  I think I smell a miracle.

When I tucked my healthy baby girl into her toddler bed each night, the Spirit nudged me to pray for her body, "Lord, she looks completely healthy, but I pray that you touch her from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet.  I don't understand it, but Lord I give her to you."  I don't know how many nights I prayed that prayer over a vivacious, healthy baby girl, but it was many.

When the diagnosis came and my baby girl's body was hit with CIDP and the C stood for Chronic which means constantly recurring, I took that long look and we all prayed.  Today, she is free from that bondage to her body.  Come on, God, show me a miracle!  Praise God!

When my mama was so miserable with her home location because it stood for all her years of fighting and struggling, I prayed the Lord would move them closer to us.  It seemed unlikely, but I prayed it anyway and the Lord spoke to me and said it was done.  My mama got her blessing of the home she needed to steady her soul and it's just down the road from me.  Wait, Father, are you listening?  What?  You still perform miracles.

Keep going, Lord!

When the Lord told me stand up for what was right and I did at the risk of losing my job.  I saw no solution in sight and the end seemed to be near, so I stopped in our church, unlocked the door and cried on the altar to the Lord.  I went on my way, but the Lord answered the prayer, the problem at work was ended with an unexpected resignation.  Miracle?

Don't ever think God isn't near.  He is.  He is near to those who are drawing near to Him.  He is not a puppet.  He doesn't take commands from us because He knows our knowledge is too limited.  He can see more than we can and He makes the choice from His perspective.

But, don't ever wonder, "Where are the miracles?"


And Jesus answered and said to them, "Go and report to John what you hear and see:  the blind receive sight and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them.  And blessed is he who keeps from stumbling over Me."  Matthew 11:4-6 NASB

 

Walking Away from God

This isn't an easy blog post to write.  The truth is I don't have to write it.  No one is requiring me to do it.  I could walk away right now, close the laptop down and forget it.  But, I have a feeling that is exactly what Satan would like me to do.

The only reason I am not walking away is because of Jesus.  He sacrificed so much for me and God, my Father, sacrificed so much for me, that I can hardly hold this Truth from the one person it may touch.  The only thing I ask of you, one person, is to promise me you'll read until the end.  Promise?

Okay, here it is.  My testimony that was intended to destroy me, but instead strengthened me.

One time I walked away from God and I had every reason to do it.

You see, I accepted Jesus at an early age, in a country church just down from where I now live.  My brother and I both went down on the same night.  I felt the tug in my heart and it was so overwhelming I thought I would die if I didn't head down to that altar.  I knew I had a choice though.  I knew I could walk out the back of the church and work the rest of my life to deny that still, small voice pleading for me to choose Life.  So, I did.  Absolute euphoria followed that decision.

And life could of, should of, would of been easy....except it wasn't.  I was sexually molested.  The devil swooped in and tried to destroy me.

I was devastated.  I had a secret hidden so deep within me that I could scarcely breathe for fear it would pop out of my tiny soul.  I was ashamed.  I was mortified.  What if anyone found out?  The devil would whisper lies to me encouraging me to hold fast to my secret.  I envisioned what would happen if someone found out, people would crowd around wanting to know more and quickly.  Families would be ripped apart.  My "normalcy" as I knew it would be destroyed.  These thoughts were my constant companion.  I had nowhere to run.  I could not hide.  I was humiliated and scared.

I remember my mother coming to tell me goodnight one night.  The burden was so heavy that I was crying alone in my bed.  She asked me what was wrong.  I could not speak.  I could not let go of my secret, so I only continued to cry.  Even her encouragement could not wrestle the demon trying to destroy me.

I was so consumed by the continuous attack that I became worn down.  I lacked freedom.  So, I eventually decided I would make my own way out of it.  I would fight the world.

I stood in the bathroom of my parent's home and had a showdown with God.  I shook my fist at Him and railed at him, "How could you let this happen to me?  Why don't you stop it?  Where are you?"

I was so hurt.  Every ounce of confusion, hurt, and shame I threw at God.  I am back there right now in that bathroom.  I can see it like it just happened.  I am crying the same, too.

And then, I knew I had a choice.  I could get back at God something whispered.  I could walk away.

So, I shook my fist and looked up and I told God I was walking away, "I don't need you if you can't protect me."

And that was it.  I meant it.  In my mind, I felt a cloud hanging above me and my words dissipated that heavenly cloud.  I knew God had honored my choice.

Now, I'm no theologian and I will not debate with you.  I know what I saw and felt.  I truly felt I hurt the tender Holy Spirit of God.  He is as gentle as a dove.

But, I could not back up.  I had made my decision and the world be damned.

How I wish I could say I changed my mind the next day, but I didn't.  In fact, it would be many years of snubbing my nose at God.

But, I can tell you that He never gave up on me.  As I partied my way through my teenage years, I would hear him call to me, "Come back."

I was so miserable and lonely.  I would say, "I will, but not right now."  I had no idea how to get back.  I knew the life I was living was emptying me out.  I had lost so much.  I was looking for salvation in any evil that I could find, and yet, there was nothing.  I would often look at other people and wish I could unzip my body and step into theirs.  I wanted to become someone else, anyone else.

And, yet, there I was unable to escape the sins that were mounting up around me--other people's and my own.

And God graciously brought me to my knees.  He gave me that one wake up call where I had to admit that I wasn't having any fun, that I kept looking but I could find no peace.

One night in my despair and loneliness, God whispered to me about a love that would come to my life.  At first, I told God it wasn't possible.  But my God is a God of impossible.

He brought someone into my life who did not give up on me.  When I railed, they watched and beseeched me to come to church.  When I spewed venom, they loved me.  When I became angry, they told me the things I was running after were the wrong things.  Yes, I got angry.  Yes, I got annoyed, but they never gave up on me.

And, friend, that has made all the difference.  My walk back to God was slow.  I had to trust Him, not to keep me from the hard things, but to make the hard things become good for me.

Good?  Molestation.

Hear me when I say there is nothing God cannot redeem.  Period.  Nothing.

Because it is only through the eyes of eternity that we see the hard things become hardly anything.  Just a blip on the radar screen of the map we are walking to get to the Lord, better, stronger, with greater compassion, love, tenderness, and forgiveness.

Yes, forgiveness.  I can tell you that one of the things I learned from this tragedy was forgiveness.  I learned early to forgive quickly and forever.  I forgave.  I forgave everyone.  Period.

And when I say that I feel perfect, unexplainable peace.  Why?  Because that tragedy does not hold me.  My chains are broken.  God did not give up on me.  He took the broken me and remade me and He will do it again and again.  Each time, I pray I get stronger and stronger and more ready to meet Him face to face.

Don't give up.  He never leaves us, but He also honors our choices.  The devil wants to destroy you.  The Bible tells us He roams the Earth, looking for those to devour!

Aw, but our God, watches with His eye, looking for those who love Him.  He holds us and cares for us, even when we lose Earthly things.  He sees you.

Don't walk away.  The trials are easier when the Lord is near and you trust Him.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, There's Just Something About That Name.

God is Bigger than Me

I was writing my prayer list on my whiteboard.  It was a list of names, letters put together to form the word we use for these people.  Some had asked for prayer.  Some I had asked if I could pray for them.  As I wrote, the Lord spoke to me and told me her name.  I know her.  We aren't particularly close.  I have seen her once or twice in the past few years.  I had no idea what was going on, but I didn't need to know.

I wrote her on my list, knowing the Lord had a reason.  I reached for my phone and messaged her, "Had you on my heart."

That's it.  I just wanted her to know that God was thinking about her.  She replied and I reminded her, "The Lord sees you."

Because He does.  He cares so much for her that He spoke to me about her.  I don't doubt He spoke to others about her, too.  He was reaching out to His children and telling them to gather around and pray.

Hey, He loves you, too.  Do you want to know how I know?

Because I am typing these words on this white screen to YOU.

I don't have to do it.  There is no requirement.  I'm not getting paid.  I'm not being made to do it.  You weren't made to come here to this little blog.  But, you did. 

There, now you know and I'll say it to you as I pray for you, "Had you on my heart.  The Lord sees you."

But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long-suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.  Psalm 86:15

Ministry Happens

So, now that I have more control over my time, I asked myself what are the things I really wanted to do with this flexibility.  One thing that stuck out for me was that I wanted to hold tightly to sharing Jesus with other people.  I wanted to take it a step further and invite my children to come along with me.

So, week 3 and I have failed, but I'm not one to give up.  I know I need to be intentional, i.e. put it on the schedule! 

Yesterday, I had put on the schedule to bake pumpkin bread.  At the designated time, I gathered the kids and headed to the kitchen.  I needed 5 eggs.  I had none.

Now, I have a yard full of chickens, so I pushed myself out the door.  I found 1 egg in the chicken yard. 

I sighed and put off baking bread until Friday, because I'd go to the grocery store Thursday for eggs.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.  But, God knew how serious I was about this thing.  I had a special visit I wanted to make, a promise to see a couple who were dear to me.

This morning, the kids went out to spend time with their farm animals and when they came back in they said, "Mama, how many eggs did you need for the bread?"

I said, "Five."

They smiled and said, "We picked up four this morning!"  Four plus one equals five.

Boom.  And, that's God. 

Hello, there God.  Thank you for being faithful when my efforts are meager.  Thank you for speaking to me, for prodding me along on this journey. For saying, "Hey, I say you.  Let's keep walking."

So, baking bread it is at lunch time today!  And a much waited on phone call to make that first visit will follow.

And in true God-speaks-fashion, I was later touched by a book I read during my time for decompressing after teaching my sweet Chinese children this morning.  It is a book by Shannan Martin called, The Ministry of Ordinary Places.  Shannan really digs deep into what it looks like to show God's love to people and says, "....what if we all made a pact to not invite anyone to church if we hadn't already invited them over for a meal?"

I love that.

I've often felt invitations to church were made without love, without cost, and without caring.  I know I want to feel loved.  If you invite me to church, when I show up, I want to feel a connection to you.  If I don't know you, if we've never shared a conversation, a meal, a heartache, a peek into each other's REAL lives, how can I have a connection to you?

It brings to my mind a time when I was invited to a church conference.  I knew many of the people at the conference, but when I showed up alone....I felt alone.  It was a very sad experience for me.  I don't know what happened, except that I sat alone.  I worshiped alone. At lunch, I scanned tables for familiar faces, but ended up sitting with people I did not know.  I felt alone.  I left that service with my heart crying.  Now, maybe I was being a little dramatic, but it is how I felt.  There were many women there who I knew and who knew me.  We offered each other the common "hello's" and "how are you's" and then I became invisible. 

This experience taught me one thing about church.  You must be engaged to really reach out to people.  You can't be lazy and go through your normal business. 

For instance, at church, it is super easy for me to sit with my family if we are having a social gathering.  I want to!  Yet, I think of all the lost opportunity to expand our ministry when we don't mesh with others.  This ministry stuff takes erasing boundaries, expanding borders, and doing some things that you initially don't WANT to do.

But, when we do those things we don't want to do, the pay-out is...heavenly.

Bible Study or Facebook

I'm not going to lie.  I'm going to be completely honest with you.  Each morning when I wake up and have the choice of what to do for the thirty minutes before I begin teaching Chinese children English, I would choose to...get on Facebook.  Or rest my eyes.  Or scroll through my email.  Or check out LinkedIn.  Or a myriad of other things except read my Bible.

Now, sometimes I'm gung-ho and have a Bible study that is just too tempting and I am ready to dive in.  Sometimes I have a book I am reading about Christianity and I tell myself it's perfectly fine to substitute the Bible reading out and the book in.  I know myself.  I can convince myself of a lot of things.

The truth is I am learning that the more I don't want to do something, the more I should do it.  When I hear that nudge from God to open my Bible, I should do it.  But, it is hard.  Why?

Well, it's easy to scroll mindlessly through Facebook.  I really accomplish nothing, but it takes no brainpower.  It's a lazy, addictive habit.  (I wish exercise was so addictive.)

But to do anything that is beneficial, I must exercise willpower and demand control over my mind, body, and spirit. 

And I have had pockets of great willpower and pockets of absolute laziness throughout my life.

Sometimes I simply think, "Well, what should I read, Lord?  Should I get a Bible study?  Should I just read a random book or verse?"  And sometimes because I don't know, I'll opt for the phone scrolling.  After all, it's too much thought first thing in the morning.  Right?

Or not.  Maybe the question isn't what I should read, but that there should never be the question.

I've walked this walk long enough to know that when I am seeking Him, He always takes me right where He wants me to go.  The Bible that I haphazardly open will take me directly to the verse I need.  My contemplation of that verse will cause me to journal and pray. 

And, yes, when I seek Him, He even uses Facebook or any other mindless media to bring Truth to me.  But, the key is to seek Him FIRST.  We do this through prayer, the Bible, and sacrifice.

So, this week my mind is set.  Those thirty minutes are devoted to the Lord, just time with God.  Bible Open.  Check.  Journal Near Me.  Check.  Pen Available.  Check.  Waiting Heart.  Check.

And the question becomes, "Lord, what would YOU have me to do today?  I have no plans, but YOUR plans."

This is a far cry from the whiteboard filled with all of MY plans.  Trust me, it's scary.

But, waiting on the Lord may seem scary at first, but I am learning it is actually the only way to have peace. 

So, go ahead, I encourage you.  Make up your mind with me.  What will the first thirty minutes of your day look like tomorrow?  Plan it now.

This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24

Wherefore art thou, Shakespeare?

As part of our homeschool education, I want my children to learn about the culture and the history of the world.  I want them to understand the whys.  This is the fun and exciting part to me.  Now, my kids may not always use those two words--fun and exciting--to describe their feelings about school, but there are moments when I see them get it.

One being with Shakespeare.  Last year, they read several of his plays.  For the most part, they called them dumb, but we took one play and they made their own doll characters and used the dolls to act out and video their own play.  They still moan and groan about it, but I've convinced myself they will appreciate it when they are older.  (Yes, I'm a MOM and can totally convince myself of these things.)

So, this year we are continuing with Shakespeare.  I want to work on their memorization skills, so we are slowly memorizing while writing (print and cursive) a part of a Shakespeare play WORD FOR WORD.  The first week it was two lines, then the next week I added two more lines.

My son said, "I know what you are doing."  His voice was even, yet totally a cool detective who had solved the crime of the century.

I deadpanned because I had no idea what he was talking about.  My days aren't very mysterious.

He went on, "You're going to have us write this whole thing line by line."

"Ummmmm, yes," I reply.

He walks over to a book on my chair and reads the title, "How To Teach Your Children Shakespeare.  Oh, come on, mom," he groans, "We are so hiding this book from you!"

I laugh as he walks out shaking his head.  I have no doubt they will try to do just that.  Last week, I found one of my books stuffed behind a pillow in their bedroom.  Seriously.

But, for all the back-and-forth we do I must say it is and has been one of the greatest blessings God has given me.

For example, each day they read about a martyr for the faith and I ask them to later narrate back to me the story.  I chose my over-achieving daughter to do it one day and my son later muttered, "She left out the whole story."

The next day, I asked for volunteers, my son jumped in, "Please let me do it.  She did a TERRIBLE job yesterday."

To which brings a round of giggles and tickles.  And that is why I know I am blessed to be walking this path with them.  I can't remake these memories.  This is it.  And I do pray, with tears running down my face, that I never forget the prayer my Father answered for me in this homeschool journey.

I'm amazed at their minds and I am overjoyed to be able to see their minds work, to hear their thoughts, to see them get it, to experience their knowledge gain, and even to hear their whining and see it turn to want-to and know-how!

Um, has anyone seen my Shakespeare book, "Wherefore art thou, Shakespeare?"

Sacrifice

I stood before my kids at the dining room table dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, my face devoid of make-up and my feet bare.  My voice may have been louder than I would have liked, but my passion about the subject seemed to demand it.  This was a no-holes-barred moment. 

It was the second day of homeschool, year 2 and we were finally where we had dreamed and prayed about being----home.  I had heard a mumble about school and it may have pushed me to my stance at the end of the table.  We had come too far to grumble.  We had trudged too many miles to say our feet were sore, our backs ached, the rain bothered us, the temperature wasn't right, or the destination was too far.  No, I was having none of that. 

So, I stood there and said something like this:

This is it.  We've all been on this journey together.  And I will not have any can't do, won't do, whining about it.  I need to know TODAY where you are in this journey.  Are you on it?  Or not?  Because I'm not forcing you to be here.  You have a choice.  All of us have sacrificed too much to be here to turn around now, but you have the choice.  I have sacrificed.  You have sacrificed.  Have you sacrificed?

They nod their heads in assent.  But, I'm serious and they know it.  We have all sacrificed because that's how this thing called life goes.

Eat the brownie and sacrifice the two pounds you just lost.  Exercise and sacrifice your knees.  Buy a new car and sacrifice money.  Send your kid to the sitter and sacrifice peace of mind.  Keep your kids at home and sacrifice their social life. 

But, then there is the payoff.  Eat the brownie and feel the warmth of its goodness.  Exercise and feel your body grow stronger.  Send your kids to the sitter and see them loved by someone.  Keep your kids home and nurture the familial bond.

It's all there, this ebb and flow of choices.  We know it well.

And in my plea to them, I ask them who has sacrificed the most for us?

They whisper, "Jesus" and tears slip down their cheeks.  They know.  They understand with some small clarity, sacrifice.

I nod.  Jesus could have walked away, called a legion of angels, refused to do the work He was sent to do.  He could have refused a humiliating death, given in to the temptation of Satan, never felt the separation from God, but He didn't.  He looked past that momentary sacrifice and saw something much greater----us.  He took that long look to eternity and saw the opportunity to reconcile you and me and our kids.  He made a choice and taught us all about sacrifice that is momentarily difficult, but once you walk through it and make the decision becomes sweet and sweeter still.

I'm not on this journey alone.  I have a whole team with me and the biggest part of my team is my kids.  They know they have a choice.  This journey is not new for us, we've been walking it a long time, trudging along to get to this point. 

And when I heard the first rumbling from the troops, I knew a swift nip in the bud was required.  They needed to settle it in their minds--not for me, but for them.

Later, as they studied French and I heard my boy announce his "streak" of correct answers, I smiled.

Why?  Because he hates studying French and would sneak out of it if he could, but he made a choice today.  His sister has always had the choice settled in her mind, but for him a life without any schooling seems a better choice.  And that is the greatest thing I feel that I can teach him.  Learning is hard, it requires sacrifice.  But, once you stretch your mind to it, it becomes sweet and sweeter still. 

Sacrifice was taught to us at the hands of a loving God and if I have learned anything, it is that sacrifice always grows you and always brings you closer to the destination.

I'm glad to have the opportunity to teach my children about sacrifice, but I'm more blessed to be able to show them the rewards of the sacrifice given on the altar of serving our Lord.  Because it's this sacrifice that allows us to walk closer and closer to our Father.  And that's the journey I desire to be on with all my heart.