Peeling Carrots

I was making stew and my daughter asked if she could help.  I pointed her towards the carrots and told her to peel them and cut them up.  She picked up the peeler and asked what to do.  I explained she'd use it just like she did on potatoes or cucumbers.

"Um, okay," she said.

By then, my son had joined us and was watching.  He put his two cents in, "Just peel them and they'll be like you see on salad bars."

I kept working until she said, "Um, mom, are you sure this is what you want me to do?"

I turned toward her and laughed.  The end of her carrot was now slender from multiple cuts down it with the peeler.  

"Well, you only go down it one time, just to remove the top layer of skin."

She said, "Well, I thought so, but he said to keep peeling."  

He defended himself, "Well, that's how they do it at the salad bars."  

I agreed envisioning the ribbons of carrots topping the salads at our local Italian restaurant, "Yeah, but that's not how we want them for our stew."

"Well, who knew carrots had skin anyway!" my daughter said.  I smiled, they were learning in the strangest of ways and who knew they didn't know how to peel carrots for stew (who is their mother anyway?).

It was this that made me think about the layers of people.  We all have that outer layer, the one that protects us.  You know it's the one that keeps us from telling people about the things that hurt us, the things that scare us, the sins we've committed, or the struggles we are going through.  The ironic thing is it is often this layer that keeps us from healing, keeps us from really seeing each other.

It's when we peel away that layer and reveal the beautiful soul in us, the soul that has been broken a few times, mended together, and now works every day to deliver us to the next day.  It's that part that melds us together and helps us understand each other.  We should do more peeling back.  

It's where I think God is taking me, to a place where my layers get peeled back, where honesty becomes part of my everyday.  

A New Day

The first day as a work-from-home mama and I admit I planned for it.  I had my schedule written out on my whiteboard and on the kid's whiteboard.  There is no way we didn't know what to do today.  If I had failed today I was pretty sure I might have fallen apart.  So, scheduling was a must.  Even with the schedule, I knew we would learn something.  What did we learn?

Going to town takes longer than I anticipated! 

This is the reason that I have honed going to town down to two days in my week and hope it stays there.  In fact, my daughter was quick to point out that I exceeded the amount of time dedicated to going to town by almost an hour!  Yikes!  But, by the end of the day, we had readjusted and though there are still things on my to-do list, I feel good. 

I enjoyed walking outside to check the mail.  I loved looking out my kitchen window and seeing the goats munching grass in the yard.  I smiled hearing my kiddos working together to do the laundry.  I thanked God for my car once again and how He keeps it on the road (it's paid for).  I felt blessed sitting on the rug in my room while the kids and I worked through a Bible study and prayed for the list of people who have requested prayer because I simply asked if they needed it. 

And, maybe you wonder what did that day look like by the numbers.  Well, here it is....our schedule:

5:00  I get up to teach one Chinese student after having my coffee.
6:00  Get dressed, cook breakfast, and get kids up.  (In case you are wondering, getting dressed isn't a prerequisite to teaching Chinese children who only see me from the shoulders up!)
7:00  Back to teaching Chinese children while the kids read and then they head outside.
9:00  Meet kids for worship and prayer.
9:30  Head to town to make deposits for my clients, drop a paycheck off and mail a letter.  We also stopped and purchased some Muscadine Juice.  Yum!  I've been craving it and my son loves it, too.  So, we made a special trip to get some.  Then, my daughter decided she would try some pickled baby corn since she isn't into the Muscadine Juice.  We also had to stay a few minutes extra in the bank drive-thru when the sweet teller asked me if I had any extra books for her grandkids in my car.  I did and had my son climb over seats and into the back of the car until he unearthed three books for her, which I handed over through the drive-thru drawer.  I love stuff like that, a little love spread in the unlikeliest of places. 

Then, we had to stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things I needed for the crockpot beef stew I had planned for supper.  Finally, we turned toward home.

By then, it was unpacking the groceries and grabbing a quick lunch.  We sat down together at the dining room table and hashed through our plans for homeschool.  We started reading Corrie Ten Boon's story, which the kids convinced me to read aloud.  Then, they were off to study French, complete their math work, watch BrainPop, and do their handwriting (which my son loathes).  I headed back to work.  The kids finished up homeschool, worked in the laundry room, baked sugar cookies, and finally took a break for YouTube Videos at 4 while I continued working. 

By 5, I was ready to eat the stew I had been smelling all afternoon along with a corn casserole. 

And, somewhere during my day, I did take a 20-minute nap.  The kids took the opportunity to sneak back outside.  They had built a ramp so the smallest goats could get on top of the hay bails like the adult goats do, so they wanted to also show the dogs how to use it.

It's not breaking up companies and selling them.  It's not brain surgery.  It's not trekking through jungles, but it's the place God has put me and I feel settled in and I see the lovely in it.  As I sit here typing this to you, I see the ways God loves us and understands why one mama would find solace in this and want to get up again tomorrow and the next day and the next day and do it all again. 

There is so much to tell you, but there is another day.  For now, I think a cup of coffee and a book are in my future. 

If you are in need of prayer, please let me know.  It'd be my honor to speak to God about you. 

Why?

It happened years ago--literally.  When my first child was born, I took 12 weeks off work.  One of my sweet co-worker friends would bring my work to my house and I'd do what I could from home.  And when it got time to return to work, I wrote a letter of resignation.  I was done.  I was staying at home with my baby.

My husband wasn't as impressed with my letter of resignation and pointed me straight out the door and sent me off to work.  And, I'm not saying he was wrong, I'm just telling you how it happened.  And I cried and worked to make peace with the place the Lord had put me.  I worked to make my workplace my ministry.  I counted my blessings that I had a wonderful mother-in-law and mama to help me with my kid.  I counted my blessings that I had a great job with retirement and insurance.  I pressed forward, but I held on to the vision the Lord had given me.  I knew--without understanding the plan--that I'd be home one day.

The second baby came and I began to wonder if I was a crazy dreamer.  I still planned and planned ways I could still feed my family and be with my children.  It seemed like everyone thought I was crazy.  It was hard to find anyone who understood me and this desire I had, but God knew and I cried out to Him again and again.

And along the way, I'd have trial runs at homeschool projects with my kids.  I loved it!  And maybe because I still love to learn and I still want to learn and honestly when you are homeschooling your kids--you are homeschooling yourself.  And that gets me excited! 

But, I was still a very tired mama.  I have the ability to take a job and make it much larger than it is.  You know, give me a one-page job description and I will make it ten pages.  I love to work.  I love to feel valuable.  But, I still felt the Lord tell me, "I'm going to call you away from this."  And I would say, "I know and I'm ready to walk when you open the door."  And sometimes it was super easy to say those words.  Sometimes I was torn because I loved the work I was doing and I wanted to be home, too! 

But, God had a plan for that.  A friend of mine warned me that God was going to take me through a very difficult time where He was going to smash me down and remake me.  I didn't like the sound of that, but that trial came.  There were moments when I did not think I would survive and I cried out to God for deliverance.  I took long walks early in the morning--just me and God.  I laid on the ground and begged Him to take the trial from me.  He didn't.  Instead, He walked it with me and asked me to be strong and stand up.  I did.  And when it was over, I realized He had taken some things out of me that needed to be gone.  And He did deliver me as only He can.

But He did not deliver me home.  He delivered me to another place because He had more things to teach me.  And He did.  He used my new job to give me confidence in a place He knew I needed it.  He used my new job to expose me to other opportunities--as only He can.  And, this time when He was ready for me to move, He said, "Jump."

This was harder because the answer wasn't given to me first.  Jumping and not knowing how you'll be caught, is much scarier than seeing a relatively safe landing spot.  But, here I go.  Why?  Because He loves me so and He has proven that to me over and over again.  My whole life is nothing but a testimony to my Father.

And I know that some people can't understand it.  Some people scratch their heads when I say, "I'm trusting God, He'll open the doors."  They instead offer suggestion after suggestion about all the things I can do to keep my family from absolute disaster--like be normal. 

But, I like this trusting God thing.  He has ministered to me every day.  He has sent the right people in my path and given me a bigger heart for loving others.  He has shown me that this scary trust thing also brings an insane amount of peace.  And anytime I feel the anxiety well up in my spirit, I think about Jesus and it disappears. 

I start tomorrow working from home and homeschooling my kids for the second year.  I am excited to become that mama.  I am excited to make my own laundry detergent so I can save money.  I am excited to scour the sale paper.  I know it sounds crazy!  When I was working full time I honestly would say to myself in the store, "Who cares?  I am too exhausted to try and figure out which box of cereal is cheapest, which package of toilet paper is the best bargain.  Just grab one and go, that's why I work!"  I get it.  I know how it feels.  But, now my life is taking a new direction and I'm excited to learn new things and walk continuing to hold the hand of my Father.  I am excited to share my story with you.  Not for myself, but because I know the Lord works in all of us to encourage each other.

And one last point--God has us all on a path.  Yours is not mine.  Mine is not yours.  And that IS okay.  Follow God.  Don't compare yourself to me and I won't compare myself to you, but instead thank God for our differences.  Give Him the glory for always taking His sheep to the right place for the right time. 



Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in You.  Psalms 25:5 NLT

The Lord Speaks in Dreams

It is joy to talk of heaven.  Yet not all of us will make our eternal home there.  How many are on their way to glory?  Who is a Christian and who is not?  Who desires to hear the truth and is ashamed to ask?  Who scoffs at talk of the Kingdom?  Who tells God, "Just a little more time God, then I will choose Life with You"?

Years ago, the Lord gave me a gripping dream.  To this day it plays in my head.  I know I may not have the words to bring you to the theater of my mind, but I want to share it with you even in my weakness:

I was sitting in a large building.  The floor was slanted like a theater, each row of seats lower than the one behind.  The large auditorium was filled with folks like you and me.

My seat was near the back.  I watched as two large man-like animals entered the bottom of the theater.  Their size was intimidating, but their very presence was fearful.  They stood on their hind legs, though their bodies were covered in hair.  They were on a mission and no love came from their beings.

A large sword was carried by one of them and so they began the proceedings.  I couldn't hear what they said, but I knew they were asking people to claim or deny Christ.

One by one, claim or deny Christ.

Deny Christ and the animals seemed to nod.  I dare not say smile, but accept the answer as good.  Those people were released from their seats and sent walking up the incline past those waiting.  A door opened in the back of the room and the deniers gratefully entered.

Accept Christ and the sword came swiftly.  The blade sharp enough to easily dismember each head from the body of the believer.

Each person had the choice.  Accept or deny.

As the procession came closer to me, I felt a peace that both surprised and relieved me.  Acceptance was the only answer for me.  Closer and closer.  Finally the duo stood on the row where I sat.  The person beside me accepted.  It was my husband.  Then, my turn.  The blade was swift and I was delivered.

Oh that my faith would not waiver that this dream ever become reality!  Oh that God would strengthen me...and you.  The choice is real.  Those who entered the new room had only a moment of victory.  They escaped death for a breath, then eternal damnation became their truth.

I wish I could say that the majority of the room stood for the King of Kings, but the truth shocked me.  The room was not a bloody mess.  Very few times was the sword used.

How does God speak?

Another door opened for me yesterday.  I haven't been invited in, yet.

For maybe the first time IN MY LIFE, I am not anxious.  I feel perfect peace  I am not trying to walk through the door.  I am not trying to convince someone to invite me in.  I am not trying to pray my way in, cry my way in, scream my way in, or force my way in.

I am peacefully standing at the door and waiting for my Lord to answer. 

"Is this a door for me, Lord?"

The peace that I have in waiting for that question only came to me WHEN I took my step of faith and walked away from the security of my "job". 

And, God does speak.  Last night He spoke to me when I picked up a book I read through many years ago, but I randomly have been reading over the last month.  So, when I laid in my bed, I picked it up along with another book I am reading.  I asked the Lord to prompt me for the one He wanted me to read.  I felt drawn to Experiencing God, Knowing and Doing the Will of God.

Honestly, I didn't WANT to read it last night.  I wanted to read the other one, but I consented and flipped it open.  It landed on Chapter 19, God Accomplishes His Work.

Do you wonder what the chapter was about?

Friend, it was about closed doors.

I love you.  God loves you.  Jesus loves you. The Spirit can live in you.  And God longs to SPEAK to you.

The Closed Door

A closed-door means no entry, don't come in, stay out.  In my journey, it is God whispering to me, "This isn't your way.  This isn't the promise."

And with each closed door, it has become easier and easier to praise him.

Because, honestly, the closed doors can hurt.  They were mind-boggling.  They ripped away at my confidence.  From the perspective of the world, they shouted, "You're not good enough.  Nope. Nada. Not choosing you.  Get out!  Keep moving."

Keep moving.  That's the words I gravitated to, because 'Keep Moving' helped me to hear the whisper from God that the closed-door wasn't a defeat, but a victory.  Each closed door was not moving me away from my destiny, but closer to it!  Each closed door was pushing me on.  Each closed door was saying, "No, sweet girl of mine, this isn't it.  I've got a plan, trust Me, let's keep going."

And when I can hear those words instead of the sting of rejection, I feel alive.  I feel hopeful and I trust Him to work out His good purpose in my life.

Today, another door closed.  Honestly, I had been torn about the door to begin with, but I was ready to walk through it. 

My husband said, "No way.  Don't do it, it's no money for the time.  You can make way more money than that!"

I said, "If the Lord opens the door, I'll walk through it.  It's not about the money.  I am relying on Him to provide for my needs.  If He sends me there, there is someone He needs me to minister to."

My husband smiled back at me.  He knew.

So, I waited and I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to go there, I will.  I don't know how life will look, but I totally trust You in this.  If it isn't the right door, shut it, Lord, and I'll keep walking."

Today, that door shut.  The "crazy" thing is that the door shutting would seem ludicrous if I wasn't looking at it with spiritual eyes.  It would appear that I would have been a shoo-in for that door.  The door closing is mind-boggling in the world's eyes because my "qualifications" would have landed me a walk straight through the door.

And, yet, it closed.  (smile)  And I felt a sense of relief because it wasn't my door.

I can imagine the Lord slipping up beside me in the hallway that is my path.  I am standing at the door, peering in, waiting to be invited in.  He reaches beside me, grabs the doorknob, and gently closes the door.  He grabs my hand and we walk on. 

Wherever you are today, trust His plan.  He's got something He needs YOU to do.  Keep walking when He says, "Walk" and be ready when he says, "Go.  This is your door."

Ministry 2.0

I've arrived at the day where it's no longer, "I Quit My Job."  The cry of my Spirit is now, "Use me, Lord."  And He does, He opens up the ministry and pours into me the people all around who need to see Jesus.

I will share two stories from this week with you and pray they find their way to your heart:

I ask him, "Do you know Jesus?"

He averts his eyes and says, "Yes, I know him, but I have some problems with it."

I smile willing him to elaborate. 

He continues, "Well, I've seen things, ya know.  The preacher who had an affair with the church secretary and things like that.  It just doesn't seem right."

I nod my head and say, "We're not following people.  We're following Jesus."

And then there are the sweet darlings who tell me a rainbow isn't a half-circle.

I smile and say, "I know.  It's more like an Ark, like Noah's Ark.  Do you know?"

She shakes her little head and says, "I don't know Noah."

I giggle and give her a brief story on Noah.  I explain to her that an Ark (a ta-va) is an enclosed structure that offers us protection, like the boat of Noah or the basket of baby Moses.

You see, both Arks protected and were held in place by God's hands.  They were directed by God's fingers.  They were guided by God's eye.  They landed at the place the Lord ordained--both Noah and baby Moses.

And after the flood was over, I think it is no small miracle that God chose to give us the rainbow, a full circle to represent His promise to us.  A promise that is eternal. A promise to never destroy humanity again, even if we become as evil as the people in Noah's day. 

And it is this promise that pushes me on to realize that God is giving you and me the opportunity of our lives.  He will not destroy us until the end time and we have the opportunity to minister and witness to those we come in contact with every day.  We have the opportunity to lead them to Jesus so He can heal their hearts. 

We have the opportunity to show them they are not following ME or YOU because who do fail, but they are given the choice to follow Jesus, who never fails, who holds and protects.

I pray that we can point them to Jesus while we work to become better and better ourselves because as D. L. Moody said, "Out of 100 people outside the church, one might read the Bible, but 99 will read the Christian."

Let's make our story a story they can read, that even with our imperfections will point them straight to Jesus.

I'm far from perfect.  I'm a sinner.  Every day I fight my carnal nature.  I have trials.  I struggle.  But these are the things that push me closer and closer to God, closer and closer to a relationship with Him, Abba, Father.

Want to read more about full circle rainbows?  I thought you would....https://science.howstuffworks.com/nature/climate-weather/atmospheric/rainbows-are-circular.htm.

Favor

Day #7 and #8 ---- What Job?

The Bible tells us that the Lord is our shield (Psalm 28:7), He goes before us and prepares the way (Deuteronomy 31:8).  This is called favor.

I like that word and I like to use it with another word...unmerited.  Go ahead, say them together, "Unmerited Favor."

It just means that I don't deserve the Lord's favor.  I'm not good enough for it.  I've done terrible things and I think bad thoughts and my tongue can get sharp and negative.  I can throw a fit.  I've yelled at my kids.  I get annoyed with my husband.  I sink in despair at loads of housework.  I have been known to gossip.  I question other people's decisions.  In other words, I am not worthy of the holy Lord giving one thought to me, but how I desire for Him to see me.

And He does.  He tells us that he dresses the grass of the field when He knows it will not last long (Matthew 6:30) and reminds us that He does the very same for us.  Jesus tells us not to worry about material things because God will provide for us.  Jesus reminds us that God looks after the tiny sparrows (Matthew 6:26) and will certainly look after us.  Jesus tells us this world will try to distract us from the Good things, but all those things are provided to us by God our Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10), who made the very earth (Genesis 2:4), who created everything (Jeremiah 10:12).  It is all His.  And He chooses to share it with us.

Favor.  I am not worthy of it, but the Lord sprinkles it on me and I can hardly understand it.

And so yesterday it was an unexpected phone call.  Someone who I only know by name called me.  They were working hard on my behalf to help me get another bookkeeping client.  They had no reason to do this.  They had no reason to be working so hard on my behalf.  I didn't ask them to do this.  But, as I stood on the street holding my cell phone in my hand trying to keep the one bar of service I had, I felt God's unmerited favor on me.

Bible Verses About Favor:

Psalm 5:12
Psalm 30:5
Psalm 84:11
Psalm 90:17
Psalm 106:4
Esther 2:8-9
Acts 7:9-10
Proverbs 3:33-35
Matthew 6:31-33
Proverbs 3:1-4

I Quit My Job

Day #7 - Perfection

Throughout this journey I have been inspired by many books.  The books that have spoken to me are those that tell the story of those Christians who have gone before me choosing to follow Jesus no matter what they were asked to do.  Each time I read their stories, I felt the familiar yearning, the strong tug in my heart that I was being prepared to take a big step of faith.

The things I know are:  I've been called to home school my children, I've been called to love other children, I've been called to minister where I am, I've been called to write.  That's the vision--though it may sound like a murky vision to some, I'm not surprised.  God often doesn't reveal the full plan, just enough to let us know when He says, "Walk," He has a plan.  I trust His plan.

If you're on a journey and want to read some of the stories that inspired me, I'll share them here:

Knowing and Doing the Will of God, Henry & Richard Blackaby, Claude King

Anything, Jennie Allen

The Red Sea Rules, Robert J. Morgan

Kisses from Katie, Katie Davis Majors

50 People Every Christian Should Know, Warren Wiersbe

In His Steps, Charles M. Sheldon

Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret, Dr. Howard Taylor & Geraldine Taylor & George Verwer

D. L. Moody, Kevin Belmonte

Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire, Jim Cymbalta

I know there are many that slip my mind, but just these will inspire and encourage you on your journey.  Just typing them here has reinvigorated my Spirit as I remember them and the tears shed while reading!  The conviction was powerful!  Also, don't neglect reading about those giants of the faith like Jim Elliot, Amy Carmichael, Lottie Moon, Annie Armstrong, Saint Patrick, John Wesley, Charles Spurgeon, Matthew Henry, Martin Luther, and so many more. 

A wonderful book on martyrs for the faith is Trial & Triumph.

Of course, there is no book better to convict your Spirit that the daily reading of The Holy Bible.   

God Bless!

Closed Doors

Day #6  Amen, I quit my job.

This has been a hard journey.  I'm not going to lie.  It has been twelve years of struggle and crying out to the Lord to realize a dream He planted in my heart.  Typing "twelve years" doesn't take long...just a couple of seconds.  Saying "twelve years" takes even less time, but LIVING "twelve years" is another story.  We always hear testimony from people and think, "Wow, I wish God would do that for me."  But what we don't feel or see are the waiting times, the struggle, the smashing that went along with their blessing. 

This is an entry from my journal--maybe it blesses you:

This has been a different journey for me--one filled with disappointments and waiting.

For me, its like walking down a long hallway, up ahead there is light coming from an open door to the left.  I begin to feel opportunity and possibility from the glow of light.  As I approach and peek in, the door closes.  The sting of rejection, the ache of impossibility wells up as the glistening of tear drops in my eyes.  I take a breath and walk on.  The process is repeated again and again and with each door closing the amount of time I spend anguishing over lost opportunity is lessened. 

Now down to seconds and my feet walk on because that's what the Lord told me to do.  His last instruction to me, "Walk--one foot in front of the other."  This command doesn't allow for long-term planning, but only for moment to moment living.  Otherwise, I am engulfed by anxiety, depression, the lie that I need to hustle to get where I want to go. 

Truly, it hinders my walk and slogs me into a pit.  In order to keep methodically walking, I have to trust God even when I don't understand, even when I'm not particularly fond of the place I'm at.  It's the lesson He is teaching.

Sinclair Ferguson said, "Christian contentment...is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord and to be totally at His disposal in the place He appoints, at the time He chooses, with the provision He is pleased to make."

It isn't a one-time decision.  It requires moment to moment faith, trust and subservient attitude.  I am His.  My life is His.  I walk with Him leading.

When I think I'm been divested of much pride and thought that I'm impressive, I find He is working on me again, breaking me down more.  It's not pretty.  It's not easy, but when I relent and let go, the peace I feel is a salve for my brokenness.  After all, I am in the Master's hands. 

And as I walk on past these "No's," I am taught something else--to give.  To stop thinking of myself and take opportunity to give of myself.  Let the compassion and love of God flow through me with no thought of an open or closed door.

Help those on their journey when they call asking for help with the job you were denied, help them in love and gratitude.  When they are overwhelmed and need to hear words of encouragement, give it to them.  When they need advice, share it. 

This life is much better when I accept the journey is NOT on me.  I can take a breath and just WALK....He's in control.

Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.  Philippians 1:6

God, Is That YOU?

Day #5 - Am I Crazy?  I Quit My Job And I Need Reminding God Speaks and Loves Me

I know the Lord cares about me in an obsessive way.  I mean He thinks about me all the time.  I'm not kidding!  He knows how many hairs are on my head.  God knew me before I was born.  He ordained my steps.  He knows my coming in and going out.  There is nothing that is hidden from Him. 

And He cares about EVERYTHING that affects me:

This week, I gathered my briefcase and a box of bank statements from my bedroom office and walked down the hall to the living room.  I grabbed my car keys and stopped at the front door.  I stepped out, locked the door, and headed to my car.  I opened the back car door and unloaded the box and the briefcase.  I reached for my purse which is always on my shoulder because I put it there every morning when I am standing at the front door.  But, it's not there.  I am so certain that I put my purse on my shoulder when I was standing at the front door that I move the briefcase to be sure I am not covering it up.  No purse.  I look around the car.  I march back up to the front door, unlock it and push my way in.  I look at the hook where I hang my purse--empty.  I think, "Where is my purse?"  I check the couches, chairs, kitchen bar, laundry room, dining room table, bedroom.  Nothing.  I begin to panic.  I need to go and I can't find my purse.  My mind races back through each step on my way out.  Over and over again in detail.  Nothing.

I hear the whisper to stop and pray.  I brush it off and think, "I don't have time.  I need my purse.  Let's go!  Think, think, think." 

Nothing.

But, He is incessant.  He is speaking to me, "Pray and I'll show you." 

I stop in the middle of the living room, "Lord, I know you know right where my purse is.  You can see it.  You know what I've done with it.  Lord, please help me find it.  I need to know where it is and I don't know.  I need you."

"It's in the bedroom beside your bed," He says.

I think, "No, it's not.  I never put it beside my bed."  But, I dutifully decide to check.  (It's God, after all.)

I walk in my bedroom, around the bed, and peek over.  Nope. 

"Move the pillow."

I reach out and move the pillow on the floor.  Purse.

"Thank you, Jesus."

"Anytime."

This isn't a funny-made-up story.  This happened.  Why?  Because like I told you, God loves me.  He knew that I had my son bring my purse to my bedroom the night before, but I didn't use it.  He knew that in my carelessness I tossed my reading pillow on top of it.  And He knew I would need him to find my purse because losing my purse could very well have caused a major breakdown on Day #2 of I Quit My Job.

By the way, God loves you, too.  And, yep, He knows all about your hairs, your purses, your movement, and your whole life.  And the best thing is He is very interested in what you are doing today and tomorrow.  So, what are you doing?

You could read these verses:

Luke 12:7, Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139:13-16, Proverbs 20:24, Psalm 121:8, Hebrews 4:13

You might also want to read:  https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2016/09/26/in-case-you-were-wondering-god-knows

God loves you!

Plastic Faces

Day 4 - Yes, I did quit my job.

I missed posting Day 4 yesterday, so here it is today...right on time.

Do you know that look you get on your face when someone is telling you something and your mind thinks, "Crazy, they're lying, or I can't wait to tell someone else THIS," but you put the mask on your face and you keep smiling and listening?  Maybe you even nod your head as if you agree with what the person is saying, but your eyes tell the truth.  You know it's the Barbie face mask.  It's plastic.  You're holding the plastic face up, but underneath you are really doubting this person's sanity.

That's the look I've been seeing a lot of this week.  Normal questions of, "Where are you going?" or "What are you doing?" are the order of the day.  And I expect them and would ask them myself.  Each time I draw in a breath to answer, I weigh whether to tell them my heart or give them a quick version.  Do I share with them my guts?  Can they understand the call of the Lord?  Is the Spirit in them enough to feel My Spirit?  Do they feel inferior or doubt themselves?

If I told them I had taken a job making $80,000 a year, they'd all smile and congratulate me.  They'd think I had hit it big and they'd call me successful.  If I told them we were building a 2,500 square foot house, they'd be impressed and maybe even want to be my friend.  If I said I'm sailing to the Bahamas and going to live there, they'd think I was cool.  Boy, I'd have made it then, wouldn't I?

Or would I?  Because after all is the money, house, vacation all there is in the world?  Is that what we are living for?  Will it last in the face of eternity?

Go ahead, put on your plastic face.  I'll put on mine.  No, I can't.  My arms are too tired to hold up the mask.  I'm too exhausted to pretend.  I can't run from the Lord any more than Jonah could and frankly I don't want to.

Choosing the Road

It's Day 3 - Yep, I Quit My Job

So much has already happened in three days, but today I want to leave this right here.  It's a moment I had with God a couple of weeks before I stepped out in faith:  

The other day I was traveling to the Mississippi Gulf Coast, something I have done many times on my own.  Just in case there is some unexpected road work, I have a habit of still using my GPS, which I did on this day.  For many miles, I traveled a lonely stretch of four-lane, no cell service, and few cars. I enjoy this type of driving, just me and the road.  But, as I got closer to my destination my GPS alerted me to take a turn to the right. I knew this wasn’t my normal route and gave the GPS a frown.  It prompted me again to make the turn. I had an internal debate with myself--stay on the same road and see nothing new or take a chance. I reasoned that I like back roads and a new route might prove more interesting than the hustle and bustle of the interstate I would soon be traveling on.  Deep in my gut, I felt the prompting to take the turn. I took a breath and made that turn. Immediately, I was rewarded with aesthetic views of green grass, trees, and life. I passed by wood homes and brick homes. I saw people living, going about their every day on this road they called home.  I passed over a river and saw a string of houseboats hunkered down along the sandy bank. Because my eyes had never seen this part of the country, I was alert and looking, excited about what I might see next. And the ride did not disappoint me. I came around a curve and saw Texas Longhorns ambling through a field.  I saw a huge ship anchor resting at the end of a driveway. I saw a swing hanging just feet from the road and I pondered the reason. Because I took the turn, my curiosity was peaked and my mind felt freer. Possibility was around every turn. I felt a weight slip from my mind and knew that this turn was ordained for me.  God wanted to show me that while not everyone makes the choice to take the turn from the freeway of life, some do. The prompting to take the turn is scary and risky. By nature going where we don’t know what is up ahead prompts fear in us. I can’t help thinking of Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” as I write these words and the ending words keep reverberating within me, “And that has made all the difference.”

My Pastor Visited Me

I wish I could take you there, to each time the Lord spoke to me, worked on my behalf and you could see.  You'd have hope.  He does it because He loves me.  He loves you.

Today, I had a visitor.  He showed up at work.  I saw him through the plate glass window of the front door before he came in.  I think he hesitated outside, but he looked up and saw me and I smiled.

See, the last time I saw him, he was going through something hard.  God was moving him and it was not pretty.  It was messy and painful.  It was birthday cake smashed in the hands of a two-year-old messy.  Not everyone understood.  Some were angry.  Some were hurt.  Some were dismayed.  ("Just look at this mess.  Stop smashing the birthday cake!" they said.)

God works like that sometimes.  He orders our path and He is always working for our good EVEN WHEN IT HURTS.  So, to see this man brought a smile to my face.  I wanted him to know that I knew God moved him....that he didn't fail, but that God was faithful to order the paths of His children even when we don't understand.

This man opened the door and came in.  He was still a little hesitant, but I invited him to sit with me a moment.  He came to me and suggested I write a story on a ministry.  I readily agreed and then I told him.....

Day #2 - So, I Quit My Job

"I quit my job."

He paused and said, "You've been heading here for a long time."

I teared up and said, "Yes."  And I shared with him a story of my little boy and he said,

"There must be something the Lord needs you to do...________!________."

He looked down at his arms and rubbed them.  He had grace bumps*.

I had them, too.  We were talking about spiritual things, things that aren't easily understood by a world not following Jesus.  But, our Spirit agreed we were following Jesus.

He encouraged me and stood to go.  Grabbing my hand, he prayed.  I cried.  As I hugged him good-bye, he turned and I saw where my tears had marked wet spots on his blue shirt.  He carried my burden.

God sent me my pastor today.  I didn't expect it, but I knew it was the Lord confirming for me that I was walking the right way.

Key:

____________!____________ - This is something the Lord has told me and right now, it's not for the world.  It's a treasure I hold in my heart like Mary, the mother of Jesus, did.

*  Grace bumps are like goosebumps.  I find that I get them often when a believer is speaking to me about spiritual things.  I don't know if everyone gets them, but I know many believers who I have shared this experience with.....it's awesome!  I do love GRACE BUMPS!

Crisis of Faith

It's really just three little words and they seem easy enough when you are reading about them or talking about them in a church study group, but to LIVE them brings the words to heart-breaking clarity.  CRISIS.....OF.....FAITH.  It's just that.  It's a literal crisis because...

I quit my job today.

I know what the Lord has called me to do.  It's not the first time I've followed Him and trusted Him.  But, it may be the time I have followed Him when I have the most to lose.

My husband says, "Wait.  He'll provide a way.  If it's hard, it's not His will."

Those words sound nice....and easy.  That way, we really don't have to step out and trust God.  Right?  He provides the answer, we SEE it, and we STEP.  Nice.

But, that's not really the God I know, not the God I read about in the Bible.

He's the God that certainly can provide the answer and allow for you to SEE before you STEP, but He is also the God who asks you to trust blindly.

He told Abraham to sacrifice the thing he loved the most.  Abraham was NOT told it was a test.  He followed blindly, leading his long-promised son up a mountain to slay him.

God told Abraham to leave his HOME and set out to a destination unknown.  He didn't tell Abraham exactly how things would end up.  He just told him to GO.....blindly.

He told Noah to build an ark when there was no rain.  An ark on dry land....a really BIG boat.  Noah could not SEE one drop of rain when he nailed the first or last nail.  All those years stepping out on faith, trusting God, and looking crazy.  And not one drop of rain until there was.

Lord, Jesus, help me in my weakness.  Give me strength and passion and love.  I am not asking to SEE, but I am asking for your comfort.  Make it for your glory so that my lips can testify to Your greatness.

Day 1 - So, I Quit My Job.

Dreamer

Have you ever had a dream and it took so long for that dream to become a reality that you wondered if you were a crazy dreamer?

I have.  I’ll share with you a Bible verse that resonates with my wait and also a book that gripped me.  I’ve never suffered through infertility.  Maybe you have.  This book is definitely for you!  But it’s also for me....because holding on to a dream for years and never giving birth to it is a lot like infertility.  While reading the stories of 30 women who dreamed of holding their dreams in their arms, I cried.  I renewed my hope.  I laughed.  And I felt a kinship to them.

Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.  Proverbs 13:12

I pray this finds it to the one who needs it next.

#passiton  #crystalbowman  #mothersinwaiting